There are 3 major options when it comes to pregnancy: parenting, adoption, or abortion. The last option was completely ruled out for me, due to my beliefs. I decided if I ever got pregnant at a young age while still under my parents' care, I'd choose adoption, so parenting was ruled out as well. As hard as the decision was to choose, I knew adoption was right after many heartfelt prayers. Here are the two main reasons why adoption was best for my situation:
- Unhealthy relationship with the father.
We never had a well balanced relationship and it wasn't the healthiest, we were constantly on and off. I didn't want my child raised in a home where he was moved back and forth from moms' house to dads' house. I also did not want to move in together just because we were going to have a baby together, I did not want my child raise around parents that did not truly love each other and were constantly arguing: that's not a household I wanted my child to grow up in. I wanted my child to be raised with two parents who loved each other, who were married, I wanted my baby to be shown how to love someone properly – by example.
-My parents would be Liam's financial support.
I nor Victor had jobs, both seniors in high school, I didn't have my drivers license, he did not have his own car, and we both fully dependent on our parents. I didn't want to put the responsibility on my parents for taking care of my child, I thought it was unfair and selfish. They both had their lives, jobs, and other children to take care of. Victor's mother was in a very hard spot and I did not want her to have the responsibility of helping taking care of a grand-baby when she had two other small children to take care of. I wanted to be the one fully there for my child and I couldn't do that at this time in my life. I was fully ready to be a mother but not a parent. I knew that it wasn't my time to take on the responsibility of being a parent so I felt adoption was the best option for myself and my sweet baby.
So my journey begun with finding the right parents to raise my child, which was very shortly lived. I knew who I'd choose, Kimberley + Charles (my second cousin on my mom's side & her husband). I found out they were looking to expand their family the summer before I got pregnant and I just felt like they'd be the ones I'd want to parent my baby... of course if I even did get pregnant (strange that I had those thoughts at that time, but I did)! I started to go to counseling through LDS Family Services and had a wonderful counselor, Shannon. She told me about a website www.itsaboutlove.org that had other birth mothers' stories (SO HELPFUL) and adoptive families profiles. I looked up K + C and found their profile and fell in love with them! (Last time I saw K was when I was younger so I didn't know them that well) We contacted their case worker to let them know I wanted them to be the adoptive parents for my baby and just to see if they didn't have another birth mother looking into them. (They didn't at the time, yay me!) I called Kimberley on New Years Day, letting her know I am gifting them with a new family member in mid June! (perfect way to start the New Year, right?!) I felt so happy to tell her this news, because I knew she was going to be a wonderful mother to Liam (I can't even begin to imagine the feeling of getting that type of call, she seemed like she was floating on cloud 9 after I spilled the beans). I told K I wanted a very open adoption and asked if I could pick out the baby's name and or help with picking the name, make clothes/blankets/room decor, and visit when able to/send letters/Skype. She was so caring and understood my feelings and my wants and was so willing to accommodate them. They lived in Florida and I in Utah, so there would be a large distance between us but I knew these were the right parents and I never had a single doubt. K and I added each other on Facebook and started to get to know each other. I loved hearing about their daily lives and how loving C was to their already two beautiful children. Hearing how excited Liam's soon-to-be older brother and sister were for a new sibling, made me even excited for them/him! My baby would of have two loving siblings - so exciting!
This right here is the beautiful family that would be not only my son's family but mine too. They've been through so much with the adoption process and I was heart broken for them, that I was unable to give them that so wanted baby they were hoping for; about 6 months after Liam past, K + C were able to extend their family once again! A selfless mother placed Elijah into their family, forever! I can not express how truly happy I am for them, to know they finally have the family they've always wanted. They will always have such a special place in my heart and I know Liam and I have a special place in their hearts too.
Going through the adoption process I never knew how selfless I'd learn to be, the true meaning of being a mother, or how caring I'd become, it's an life altering experience and it molded me into a very humble loving person. Adoption is a beautiful option.