Grief

I always questioned- Why me? Why did Liam have to leave when I was being so selfless? Asking these questions, lead me to my knees to pray for guidance. After many prayers I felt that having Liam pass was for a better good, it was a blessing in disguise. I don't know the true reason behind why he left this Earth before knowing it, but I have my own beliefs and I can only continue to believe those to help me move forward. I may not have been able to share a lifetime with him because of this, however I have the knowledge that I am now able to enjoy entirety with his glorified being. I know he was never touched by sin, sorrow, greed, or all the other worldly pains. As a mother that's a wonderful feeling, knowing your baby left without knowing the evils of this world. Many people may say that having your baby with you here on Earth is a far greater feeling than this, but I can't change the outcome of what happened to Liam so instead of dwelling on the "what ifs" I am looking at this situation with positive light. I do not want to be stuck in a place of bitterness and aching pain, so I am letting my faith fill me with the knowledge of knowing I will be with Liam again.  
Liam past away a year and a half ago and yet it can still feel surreal at times. I am still moving forward from his loss but I am no longer grief stricken, I can finally breathe again! I use to not be able to say his name without crying or feel pain day to day but now I light up when I say his name or talk about him. My heart still aches for him and it always will, but it's now more bearable. I still have my days where his loss hits me hard and I can't function normally, but those days are rare because I am not deep in grief anymore. I am not forgetting him by moving forward, because I will never forget my sweet Liam, I am pushing beyond the pain and seeing the love and growth I am experiencing by Liam passing. 
I don't know where the next years will take me with my grief, I just know that if I am willing to keep pushing forward, keep in mind where Liam is now, and know my Heavenly Father is always leading a hand, I can continue to grow and learn from this. 

I will never stop keeping your memory alive, and that's the one time that will never change.