I will wear it proudly

Modesty is a fairly common word but a less common practice, especially in this time and a day. Modesty is something I used to struggle with, I couldn’t follow all the simple guidelines that the LDS church suggested when it came to dressing modest. I was never a very immodest person but I would still wear less modest clothing, and at that time I was okay with that. I was embarrassed to dress “Mormon” and to fully look modest, I wanted to look stylish and looking “Mormon” wasn’t stylish. I didn’t care how I felt in what I was wear or how it could make others feel, only cared if it was cute. Once I allowed the Gospel back into my life I became more conscious of what I would wear to church, but I would still sometimes wear less modest clothing outside of church. I wasn’t fully ready to give up my cute pieces of clothing because I thought that since I was not sealed in the temple I didn’t have to be fully modest, I could commit myself once that happens in my life. With that being said, I am going to share a little experience on what changed my mind and views on modesty and preparing yourself now. 

I was going to be a bride so I needed to find the perfect dress to wear on my perfect day! I wanted to wear a modest dress, well mostly modest. My mother was going to make my wedding dress, so I showed her the dress I wanted her to replicate… it was modest, besides having a sheer top. It was simple yet stunning and I was extremely pleased with how it was turning out. When it came to the part of making the top half my mother asked

if I wanted it sheer or solid and I told her sheer just like the original dress. She then reminded me of my goal of getting sealed in the temple and that I should wear a fully modest dress. I shot back that I wasn’t going to be sealed for a while since my husband and I were going to have a civil marriage first, so I wouldn’t need a fully dress modest. I knew she was right but didn’t like it, so I just angrily said yes while rolling my eyes… I was going to look like a Mormon bride. I went to my room and cried angry tears because I was not going to get the perfect dress I wanted and I was going to look modest even though I was not going to have a temple wedding. As I sat and pouted a verse from I Love to See the Temple came to mind, "I will prepare myself while I am young; this is my sacred duty".  I was being blinded from the world’s view and my own justifications on modesty.

What really helped me overcome my struggle with dressing immodest was, seeing myself as a daughter of God. I want others to see that I respect my title as such, and I do that by dressing modest. As being a daughter of God I need to prepare myself now to be able to enter into His house, including dressing modest. It’s my goal to be sealed in the temple to my husband and if I want to reach that goal I need to make the necessary sacrifices to get there. Dressing modest may seem like a small part of preparing yourself to enter the temple but if you can’t follow the small things, how do you expect to follow the greater things the Lord asks us to do? After praying and fasting I came to realize being modest isn't about fashion or looking the most stylish, no it was way more than those worldly things. It outwardly shows that we understand and value our relationship with our Heavenly Father, that we respect the gift of our body he gave to us. We are keeping the holy covenants by doing so and we are showing our Heavenly Father we are wanting to be virtuous. I stopped looking at modesty in the worldly aspect because the world isn't who matters, it's our Heavenly Father who does. 

I know being modest everywhere, not only church, is hard and can be a challenge. You have to search through crop tops, skirts that have high slits in them, skimpy dresses, and hardly there shorts to only find something that is modest but isn’t your size. It very discouraging when you see others wear stylish outfits but knowing it isn’t modest, so you shouldn’t wear it. Keep in mind… “Modesty is more than a fashion statement, it’s a daily decision to dress like the child of God you are.” I know if we, daughters of God, wear our faith and show we respect our title… we will be blessed! I am no longer ashamed to look Mormon, because I am proud of my faith, and I will wear it proudly.

**The original photo at the top of the post is from Mikarose, which happens to be a website full of cute modest clothing + they have adorable accessories!** 

Grief

I always questioned- Why me? Why did Liam have to leave when I was being so selfless? Asking these questions, lead me to my knees to pray for guidance. After many prayers I felt that having Liam pass was for a better good, it was a blessing in disguise. I don't know the true reason behind why he left this Earth before knowing it, but I have my own beliefs and I can only continue to believe those to help me move forward. I may not have been able to share a lifetime with him because of this, however I have the knowledge that I am now able to enjoy entirety with his glorified being. I know he was never touched by sin, sorrow, greed, or all the other worldly pains. As a mother that's a wonderful feeling, knowing your baby left without knowing the evils of this world. Many people may say that having your baby with you here on Earth is a far greater feeling than this, but I can't change the outcome of what happened to Liam so instead of dwelling on the "what ifs" I am looking at this situation with positive light. I do not want to be stuck in a place of bitterness and aching pain, so I am letting my faith fill me with the knowledge of knowing I will be with Liam again.  
Liam past away a year and a half ago and yet it can still feel surreal at times. I am still moving forward from his loss but I am no longer grief stricken, I can finally breathe again! I use to not be able to say his name without crying or feel pain day to day but now I light up when I say his name or talk about him. My heart still aches for him and it always will, but it's now more bearable. I still have my days where his loss hits me hard and I can't function normally, but those days are rare because I am not deep in grief anymore. I am not forgetting him by moving forward, because I will never forget my sweet Liam, I am pushing beyond the pain and seeing the love and growth I am experiencing by Liam passing. 
I don't know where the next years will take me with my grief, I just know that if I am willing to keep pushing forward, keep in mind where Liam is now, and know my Heavenly Father is always leading a hand, I can continue to grow and learn from this. 

I will never stop keeping your memory alive, and that's the one time that will never change.

values > pleasures

Here and there I struggle with some of the "worldly" things I use to do and regrettably I can sometimes miss them. I would be lying if I said I casually brushed some of these feelings off, because I don't. I try to build a strong hold against them... but my hold collapses and I am left trapped. I look at the world's view of certain things and behaviors and I get into thinking about those more than what truly matters, and that really damages my blossoming faith. I care more about that others think or how the world views me, I let my faith come second because I was too caught up in the world. I shy away when people ask about my religion. Even though I enjoy learning about the Gospel I would hide that because it came less meaningful once I stepped out into the world. This all changed when I came across a quote that changed my prospective. 

"My relationship with God is more valuable than any of the temporary pleasures that this world has to offer." - Nathan Punzalan

This quote has stuck with me ever since I read it, because I am putting worldly pleasures before my relationship with my Heavenly Father and that's just senseless of me. Something that will fade I was putting before someone who loves me dearly, cares for me like no one else, and who died for me... how worldly of me? 

It's actually been a big faith builder for me realizing this (about time too), and I will always keep these words in my mind so I am reminded what truly matters to me. I want people to look at me and see that I value my beliefs and hold them dear not be ashamed to state what I value. So I have decided to make it known that I value my relationship with my Father in Heaven more than any thing this world can offer. I will no more long for my old life style because that life brought me nothing but temporary happiness and my relationship with my Heavenly Father will only bring me everlasting eternal happiness, which is far greater than anything this world can bring me. I have something very promising right in front of me and I will not let it slip through my finger tips because of temporary things, I will no longer linger on thoughts or the judgement of the world because that does not matter, I will step forward with a new look at life because I now openly value my relationship with Him. 

I will continue to strengthen my faith and make it known that I am proud of my relationship with my Heavenly Father.